By: Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D.
Q.
Help! I moved from the Dallas to Denver. I keep writing my
friends back in Dallas, but they won't answer. Aren't they
rude?
Your feelings are typical. Most people need a
minimum of two years before they feel at home in a new
community.
Your old friends view you in a new light.
You're "that lucky person who moved to Denver." If
you've retired or changed jobs, your new lifestyle will signal an
even sharper break. A few especially close friends may remain in
touch for awhile, but you can't anticipate the same closeness you
enjoyed in Dallas.
Rather than bombarding old friends with
requests for letters, I advise newcomers to embark on creative
projects that will enhance their personal growth.
Don't
join groups just to meet people. Instead, explore the new
community on your own. Choose activities and groups that will be
fun even if you don't find friends there.
Lonely people
can seek friendship in the wrong places with the wrong people.
Your boss, coworkers and new neighbors are not your friends, at
least not yet.
Keep your game face until you know who can
be trusted. The friendly folks at the PTA may be your boss's
in-laws or your neighbor's golf buddy.
Lonely people do
dumb things. They make mistakes. Sometimes they give in to the
urge to quit a job, when a few more months would have turned
things around.
If you're truly miserable, you may have to
take drastic steps - even move again. If you become severely
depressed and stop moving, see a therapist.
Read Making
the Big Move for suggestions.
What to do? Go slow. Call a
close friend or relative you trust. Call a coach. Talk to a
counselor. Long distance bills and session fees will add up, but
not as much as losing a job.
And who knows? In six months
you might be running for mayor and recruiting your old buddies to
come move here. The Moving Lady will not be surprised. She's seen
it all.
Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D. is an author, career
coach, and speaker. She can help you rebuild, renovate and
revitalize your career. Visit her site http://www.movinglady.com
or call 505-534-4294.
"Ten secrets of mastering a
life transition." http://www.movinglady.com/subscribe.html
