As a result, when I later found myself divorced and raising my only daughter, although I wasn’t rich I couldn’t help but lavish my child with gifts and what ever might bring her joy. I could never give her enough.

I had to learn, the hard way, the horrible mistakes I made. Starting as early as age 16, she was doing her best to escape the ‘old witch’. Years later, when she came back home with a baby and going through a divorce, I thought she had repented of the things she had done to me (and herself). How wrong I was. It took me years, the demise of my business and a few years of hard labor supporting her and my grandson, for me to come to the realization that it wasn’t me she wanted, it was my money.

When the day came, my body was worn out, now sick and no longer able to work, I was forced to retire. Now with so little money coming in, my daughter became bitter and all the old personality came shining through. Now, I was hearing what a fool I was and how useless I was and that I was a moocher.

It took another year, after she packed up and moved off to California, to what she thought was her knight in white armor, for me to finally see through to the truth.  Why was my daughter so angry with me? Because she thought she owned me and that I owed her something. Why did my daughter kick me to the curb? Because I was no longer the sole support for her and her son.

Where did I go wrong? You think it was in letting her walk on me, after she was grown. That was pretty stupid, true, but that’s not my error. My original error was in lavishing love and goods on my daughter and letting her get the idea that I owed it to her.

If ever I’ve given solid advice, I’m doing it now. Don’t do what I did. Your child is your child, not your keeper.

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At first glance, it appeared the problem came from the husband but behind closed doors, the truth shined brightly. It was both of them.

He, being in his 40’s when they married, was looking for that dream wife that would fulfill all his hollow spots. She, being in her mid 30’s, was looking for a ’sugar daddy’; someone who would not require her to hold down a job, would support her every whim and hold her up on a pedestal.

Both of them were lousy handling money but she, being the greediest of the two, took complete control over the household money. He worked hard, earned decent money and went without. She blew money on every little whim, hid the facts about where the money was going and became highly defensive when he showed the slightest desire to see the budget.

Which one of them was wrong? Both were wrong. Both had married for all the wrong reasons. The marriage lasted about a year.

The fact is, if your motives are not to ‘be there’ for the other, to help the other through the rough spots in life, to work together to create a home, then you have the wrong motives. It’s best not to marry at all, if you can’t marry for the right reasons. All it does is add another miserable chapter to your life.

If you can say yes to the following questions, you are ready for marriage.
I love being near her/him, even when we are doing nothing.
I want to bring more quality into his/her life and will continuously strive to make him/her happy.
Her/His life is more important than my own.
I want to know what we can accomplish together as a couple.
I love to listen to him/her.
There is nothing I would change in him/her.

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Actually, physical abuse comes along with all sorts of other abuse, in order for the offender to get away with the physical part.

Emotional abuse is a trap. Just because your partner never hits you doesn’t mean you’re not being abused.

Emotional abuse sounds like this: “If you were a REAL wife….”, “If you weren’t so stupid…”, “If you didn’t make me do it…”

It’s an ‘always your fault’ thing. Words that make you feel less than human, less than a woman, less than a man, unfit for this world, are all abusive words.

Let me tell you that’s not love. Love is uplifting it does not tear you down.

Abuse also comes in weird forms most people don’t recognize as abuse. When you’re holding down a 40 hour a week job, you partner takes your paycheck and hands you $3 a week for lunch money, it’s abuse. When there’s never enough money for you to see a dentist but there’s plenty of money for his ‘nights out with the boys’, it’s abuse.

For one partner to only be able to see value in those things he or she is concerned with and no value at all in those things you might be concerned with, it’s abuse.

Keep this in your mind….if you allow one offense, you’ve allowed them all. Don’t stay in an abusive situation. You can always, and I do mean always, find better for yourself.

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Although this was also reason, many times, for bitterness against my own father, I didn’t stop respecting him for his attitude. Regardless of the circumstances, he stood on the side of my mother. In my opinion, it’s the only way to be when raising children.

Always remember that she came into your life, long before those children and she will be the one remaining, after the kids leave home.

Determine to agree with your wife, when it comes to the household or children, in all things regardless of the circumstance and she will trust you.

Disagreements belong behind closed doors and out of earshot of the children. What goes on between the two of you, is nobody else’s business. Ever!

If you step across that boundary just once, you’ve destroyed all faith in you as a husband and friend.

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Family

Because the liberal attitudes, these days, would prefer to burn me at the stake rather than listen to sound advice, I will probably hear plenty on what I have to say. The fact is, there is a reason for the melt down of ‘family’.

You might tend to blame it on the ‘bra burners’ but it goes back further than that. We can all thank WWII for the interior melt down of the U.S. As the U.S. goes, so goes the world.

Until WWII women stayed home and raised the children and kept a home for the family. Along with it came lessons in ‘right from wrong’ because ‘family’ had to survive.

It was WWII that caused the women to come out of the home and work in the factories. All the working aged men were gone off to war and we needed planes and ships and warfare. Who was left to support the troops in these ways? Women!

Once women got a taste of this newly found freedom, it was hard to push them back into their previous roles. What’s more, we had less men to support these families and many women had to resume the role of ‘bread winner’. That is when things began to change.

As time went by and the children born into this war, grew up, they had different opinions about the role of women. Now enter the era of the ‘bra burner’. The women’s lib groups.

If people don’t think this demoralized men, you’ve got another thing coming. I’ve watched while women became the strong ones in society and men became wimps.

Once upon a time, children had 2 strong role models to follow. There was a definite division between male and female. Today, it’s hard to tell who rules the household and who does not. Which model shall the boys follow after?

Along with the melt down of family structure, came confusion and frustration for more than half the families. Children practically raised themselves. A child so neglected that when something horrible happened, the parents were the first to admit surprise. How could they have known their own son was harboring murder in his heart, when they hardly speak to that child.

Everyone is too busy gaining. They gain money, they gain goods, they gain bigger houses and more toys and better appliances and prettier clothes. They gain social status, they work toward the mysterious day called retirement. Something had to suffer. It was the children.

Few families, go on outings together any more because they don’t have the time. Few families, spend quality time because the television is lord and master of the household. Few children go out to play and climb trees because it’s too much work putting on all those helmets and knee guards and safety goggles. It’s easier to just sit and play a video game. It’s safer.

Nobody wants to risk a broken arm, lest the authorities come and take away their children. How did those authorities ever gain so much control over our own homes? Could it be that we were too busy driving to work?

Today you find both parents working 40 hours a week and what for? It’s all for that soccer team? It’s all for those special clothes your kids want? Is it all for a new car?

What have you traded your children for? Think about it?

Men – do you not understand that children and a home need a mother?
Women – do you not understand that with household skills you could save enough grocery money simply by your own cooking, to not need that job?

With you both at work all the time, there is no ‘presence’ in the home. There is not ‘rock’, no stability, no home.

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