Actually, physical abuse comes along with all sorts of other abuse, in order for the offender to get away with the physical part.

Emotional abuse is a trap. Just because your partner never hits you doesn’t mean you’re not being abused.

Emotional abuse sounds like this: “If you were a REAL wife….”, “If you weren’t so stupid…”, “If you didn’t make me do it…”

It’s an ‘always your fault’ thing. Words that make you feel less than human, less than a woman, less than a man, unfit for this world, are all abusive words.

Let me tell you that’s not love. Love is uplifting it does not tear you down.

Abuse also comes in weird forms most people don’t recognize as abuse. When you’re holding down a 40 hour a week job, you partner takes your paycheck and hands you $3 a week for lunch money, it’s abuse. When there’s never enough money for you to see a dentist but there’s plenty of money for his ‘nights out with the boys’, it’s abuse.

For one partner to only be able to see value in those things he or she is concerned with and no value at all in those things you might be concerned with, it’s abuse.

Keep this in your mind….if you allow one offense, you’ve allowed them all. Don’t stay in an abusive situation. You can always, and I do mean always, find better for yourself.

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Although this was also reason, many times, for bitterness against my own father, I didn’t stop respecting him for his attitude. Regardless of the circumstances, he stood on the side of my mother. In my opinion, it’s the only way to be when raising children.

Always remember that she came into your life, long before those children and she will be the one remaining, after the kids leave home.

Determine to agree with your wife, when it comes to the household or children, in all things regardless of the circumstance and she will trust you.

Disagreements belong behind closed doors and out of earshot of the children. What goes on between the two of you, is nobody else’s business. Ever!

If you step across that boundary just once, you’ve destroyed all faith in you as a husband and friend.

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Family

Because the liberal attitudes, these days, would prefer to burn me at the stake rather than listen to sound advice, I will probably hear plenty on what I have to say. The fact is, there is a reason for the melt down of ‘family’.

You might tend to blame it on the ‘bra burners’ but it goes back further than that. We can all thank WWII for the interior melt down of the U.S. As the U.S. goes, so goes the world.

Until WWII women stayed home and raised the children and kept a home for the family. Along with it came lessons in ‘right from wrong’ because ‘family’ had to survive.

It was WWII that caused the women to come out of the home and work in the factories. All the working aged men were gone off to war and we needed planes and ships and warfare. Who was left to support the troops in these ways? Women!

Once women got a taste of this newly found freedom, it was hard to push them back into their previous roles. What’s more, we had less men to support these families and many women had to resume the role of ‘bread winner’. That is when things began to change.

As time went by and the children born into this war, grew up, they had different opinions about the role of women. Now enter the era of the ‘bra burner’. The women’s lib groups.

If people don’t think this demoralized men, you’ve got another thing coming. I’ve watched while women became the strong ones in society and men became wimps.

Once upon a time, children had 2 strong role models to follow. There was a definite division between male and female. Today, it’s hard to tell who rules the household and who does not. Which model shall the boys follow after?

Along with the melt down of family structure, came confusion and frustration for more than half the families. Children practically raised themselves. A child so neglected that when something horrible happened, the parents were the first to admit surprise. How could they have known their own son was harboring murder in his heart, when they hardly speak to that child.

Everyone is too busy gaining. They gain money, they gain goods, they gain bigger houses and more toys and better appliances and prettier clothes. They gain social status, they work toward the mysterious day called retirement. Something had to suffer. It was the children.

Few families, go on outings together any more because they don’t have the time. Few families, spend quality time because the television is lord and master of the household. Few children go out to play and climb trees because it’s too much work putting on all those helmets and knee guards and safety goggles. It’s easier to just sit and play a video game. It’s safer.

Nobody wants to risk a broken arm, lest the authorities come and take away their children. How did those authorities ever gain so much control over our own homes? Could it be that we were too busy driving to work?

Today you find both parents working 40 hours a week and what for? It’s all for that soccer team? It’s all for those special clothes your kids want? Is it all for a new car?

What have you traded your children for? Think about it?

Men – do you not understand that children and a home need a mother?
Women – do you not understand that with household skills you could save enough grocery money simply by your own cooking, to not need that job?

With you both at work all the time, there is no ‘presence’ in the home. There is not ‘rock’, no stability, no home.

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Communication

From my point of view, she was taking an attitude of ‘thanks for all your help now drop dead’. I don’t have to tell you, that hurt. I lost many nights of sleep, tossing and turning with feelings of anger.

This went on for many days and I plunged into depression, trying to find reason for living. I was hurt deeply.

It was just yesterday, as we sat in a restaurant, my daughter blurted out, “I shouldn’t have said that, the other day. My feelings were hurt”.

It seems she had thought that for some reason, I had turned against her. Definitely a problem with communication.

This happens all the time, within families, within marriage. If you simply read into something, what you think it means, you’re in for trouble.

Isn’t it better to just open your mouth and ask? “Did you mean by that, what I think you meant?” When it comes to loved ones, you can’t harbor suspicions. It hurts everybody.

If you love them and trust that they love you, be open and honest and keep the air clear. If you feel the other is thinking harmful things or doing something against you, you will begin to see confirmation in everything they do. That just compounds the problem.

If your loved one is truly doing something against you or thinking horrible things, it’s best to just get it over with and find out the truth. Since when does it do any good to wait while feelings pile one upon the other, building a wall between you?

If truly it’s a disaster coming at you, what difference if it comes today or tomorrow? Get it over with. Most times, it means peace in the house instead of snippy remarks, slamming of doors and driving a bigger wedge between.

Most times, you will find that you took them wrong. It’s times like these, you will be grateful you just aired it all and got down to the truth.

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