At first glance, it appeared the problem came from the husband but behind closed doors, the truth shined brightly. It was both of them.

He, being in his 40’s when they married, was looking for that dream wife that would fulfill all his hollow spots. She, being in her mid 30’s, was looking for a ’sugar daddy’; someone who would not require her to hold down a job, would support her every whim and hold her up on a pedestal.

Both of them were lousy handling money but she, being the greediest of the two, took complete control over the household money. He worked hard, earned decent money and went without. She blew money on every little whim, hid the facts about where the money was going and became highly defensive when he showed the slightest desire to see the budget.

Which one of them was wrong? Both were wrong. Both had married for all the wrong reasons. The marriage lasted about a year.

The fact is, if your motives are not to ‘be there’ for the other, to help the other through the rough spots in life, to work together to create a home, then you have the wrong motives. It’s best not to marry at all, if you can’t marry for the right reasons. All it does is add another miserable chapter to your life.

If you can say yes to the following questions, you are ready for marriage.
I love being near her/him, even when we are doing nothing.
I want to bring more quality into his/her life and will continuously strive to make him/her happy.
Her/His life is more important than my own.
I want to know what we can accomplish together as a couple.
I love to listen to him/her.
There is nothing I would change in him/her.

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She wants to be valued as much as you. She wants the same pay that you would get at her job. She wants her opinion to count.

Assuming she has married a man, she still wants a man for her mate and not just a female counterpart in a man’s body.

What on earth is Judy talking about? OK, I know you didn’t ask but I’ll tell you anyway. Starting with the ‘bra burners’ back in the 60’s, mankind has been reduced to something somewhere between female and male. Those clear lines disappeared. Along with it came a rise in divorce.

The fact is, women do still want a man to be a man. They just want equal say but this has been taken to the extremes until it’s hard to tell, sometimes, which one is the man.

When you study the human muscular system, you definitely see differences between male and female. While the male has upper body strength, the female has hip and leg strength. It seems to me that’s enough right there to indicate one is suitable for one job while the other is suitable for a complimentary job but not the same.

When you study the human skeleton, you still come up with differences. For one thing, the female pelvis is wider spread, the leg bones are not as straight forward as the male and….get this….the male has one more rib than the female. Here we see a vast difference as the male skeleton is designed for straight forward movement while the female is designed for squatting movement. Again, female equals hip and leg strength while the male equals arm and shoulder strength as well as swifter speed in the legs.

You tell me what we can get from studying the human figure. It seems to me that while each is equal in value, instead of them being exactly the same, they are designed to compliment one another.

Now when you look at the suitable work for each, you find that the female is suited for nesting while the male is suited for anything but. Nature itself will attest to the fact it is the male that protects, while the female nurtures.

So what is it a woman wants in marriage? A protector. This doesn’t mean a growling gun totter, acting like he’s at war all the time. It means a man who stands to be the rock in the family, the object that everything else is anchored to. The one thing that is never changing, the one thing the children will always feel will ‘be there for them’.

It may seem silly to you but the fact is women still like it when her man wraps an arm around her in a protective manner. She still likes being treated like a queen, having her man open doors for her and hold her chair.

Sound old fashioned? Maybe so but it just might salvage marriages.

Attitudes are different between the sexes too. While the nurturer pushes the best food portions to the others at the table, the bread winner takes pride in knowing he has provided even luxuries, for his family. Even while he is working, knowing his family is well cared for, warm and safe, gives him reason to go on. You never find a true provider grumbling about what his wife gets to do all day while he slaves away at the office. Instead, he is proud of the fact that she does not have to worry about every day needs.

The odd thing is, when a true man is acting the part of a true provider, he finds that his wife is bending over backwards to do her part and provide a warm and loving home for him.

I suppose the greediest thing I’ve ever witnessed a wife doing, is hoarding the best portions, considering herself first. The most childish thing I’ve witnessed in a husband was him putting on a big show about having to add a throw pillow to a padded chair, making all sorts of gestures about his discomfort, because someone else was sitting where he thought he should be.

The most damaging thing I know of, in a marriage, is mumbling instead of coming right out and speaking clearly, when there’s a problem. If you intend for someone to hear you, speak. If not, keep it to yourself. Mumbling is a child’s game.

When a grown man is more of a child, there is nothing for the woman to look up to and admire. Childish games need to be put away on both parts.

Mind you, in all these things I’m talking about, I’m not taking into consideration people who were raised like animals and those whose entire existence is selfishness. In every society, you will find people who simply seem to have no control over themselves or have any morals.

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Actually, physical abuse comes along with all sorts of other abuse, in order for the offender to get away with the physical part.

Emotional abuse is a trap. Just because your partner never hits you doesn’t mean you’re not being abused.

Emotional abuse sounds like this: “If you were a REAL wife….”, “If you weren’t so stupid…”, “If you didn’t make me do it…”

It’s an ‘always your fault’ thing. Words that make you feel less than human, less than a woman, less than a man, unfit for this world, are all abusive words.

Let me tell you that’s not love. Love is uplifting it does not tear you down.

Abuse also comes in weird forms most people don’t recognize as abuse. When you’re holding down a 40 hour a week job, you partner takes your paycheck and hands you $3 a week for lunch money, it’s abuse. When there’s never enough money for you to see a dentist but there’s plenty of money for his ‘nights out with the boys’, it’s abuse.

For one partner to only be able to see value in those things he or she is concerned with and no value at all in those things you might be concerned with, it’s abuse.

Keep this in your mind….if you allow one offense, you’ve allowed them all. Don’t stay in an abusive situation. You can always, and I do mean always, find better for yourself.

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Although this was also reason, many times, for bitterness against my own father, I didn’t stop respecting him for his attitude. Regardless of the circumstances, he stood on the side of my mother. In my opinion, it’s the only way to be when raising children.

Always remember that she came into your life, long before those children and she will be the one remaining, after the kids leave home.

Determine to agree with your wife, when it comes to the household or children, in all things regardless of the circumstance and she will trust you.

Disagreements belong behind closed doors and out of earshot of the children. What goes on between the two of you, is nobody else’s business. Ever!

If you step across that boundary just once, you’ve destroyed all faith in you as a husband and friend.

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