She wants to be valued as much as you. She wants the same pay that you would get at her job. She wants her opinion to count.

Assuming she has married a man, she still wants a man for her mate and not just a female counterpart in a man’s body.

What on earth is Judy talking about? OK, I know you didn’t ask but I’ll tell you anyway. Starting with the ‘bra burners’ back in the 60’s, mankind has been reduced to something somewhere between female and male. Those clear lines disappeared. Along with it came a rise in divorce.

The fact is, women do still want a man to be a man. They just want equal say but this has been taken to the extremes until it’s hard to tell, sometimes, which one is the man.

When you study the human muscular system, you definitely see differences between male and female. While the male has upper body strength, the female has hip and leg strength. It seems to me that’s enough right there to indicate one is suitable for one job while the other is suitable for a complimentary job but not the same.

When you study the human skeleton, you still come up with differences. For one thing, the female pelvis is wider spread, the leg bones are not as straight forward as the male and….get this….the male has one more rib than the female. Here we see a vast difference as the male skeleton is designed for straight forward movement while the female is designed for squatting movement. Again, female equals hip and leg strength while the male equals arm and shoulder strength as well as swifter speed in the legs.

You tell me what we can get from studying the human figure. It seems to me that while each is equal in value, instead of them being exactly the same, they are designed to compliment one another.

Now when you look at the suitable work for each, you find that the female is suited for nesting while the male is suited for anything but. Nature itself will attest to the fact it is the male that protects, while the female nurtures.

So what is it a woman wants in marriage? A protector. This doesn’t mean a growling gun totter, acting like he’s at war all the time. It means a man who stands to be the rock in the family, the object that everything else is anchored to. The one thing that is never changing, the one thing the children will always feel will ‘be there for them’.

It may seem silly to you but the fact is women still like it when her man wraps an arm around her in a protective manner. She still likes being treated like a queen, having her man open doors for her and hold her chair.

Sound old fashioned? Maybe so but it just might salvage marriages.

Attitudes are different between the sexes too. While the nurturer pushes the best food portions to the others at the table, the bread winner takes pride in knowing he has provided even luxuries, for his family. Even while he is working, knowing his family is well cared for, warm and safe, gives him reason to go on. You never find a true provider grumbling about what his wife gets to do all day while he slaves away at the office. Instead, he is proud of the fact that she does not have to worry about every day needs.

The odd thing is, when a true man is acting the part of a true provider, he finds that his wife is bending over backwards to do her part and provide a warm and loving home for him.

I suppose the greediest thing I’ve ever witnessed a wife doing, is hoarding the best portions, considering herself first. The most childish thing I’ve witnessed in a husband was him putting on a big show about having to add a throw pillow to a padded chair, making all sorts of gestures about his discomfort, because someone else was sitting where he thought he should be.

The most damaging thing I know of, in a marriage, is mumbling instead of coming right out and speaking clearly, when there’s a problem. If you intend for someone to hear you, speak. If not, keep it to yourself. Mumbling is a child’s game.

When a grown man is more of a child, there is nothing for the woman to look up to and admire. Childish games need to be put away on both parts.

Mind you, in all these things I’m talking about, I’m not taking into consideration people who were raised like animals and those whose entire existence is selfishness. In every society, you will find people who simply seem to have no control over themselves or have any morals.

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Actually, physical abuse comes along with all sorts of other abuse, in order for the offender to get away with the physical part.

Emotional abuse is a trap. Just because your partner never hits you doesn’t mean you’re not being abused.

Emotional abuse sounds like this: “If you were a REAL wife….”, “If you weren’t so stupid…”, “If you didn’t make me do it…”

It’s an ‘always your fault’ thing. Words that make you feel less than human, less than a woman, less than a man, unfit for this world, are all abusive words.

Let me tell you that’s not love. Love is uplifting it does not tear you down.

Abuse also comes in weird forms most people don’t recognize as abuse. When you’re holding down a 40 hour a week job, you partner takes your paycheck and hands you $3 a week for lunch money, it’s abuse. When there’s never enough money for you to see a dentist but there’s plenty of money for his ‘nights out with the boys’, it’s abuse.

For one partner to only be able to see value in those things he or she is concerned with and no value at all in those things you might be concerned with, it’s abuse.

Keep this in your mind….if you allow one offense, you’ve allowed them all. Don’t stay in an abusive situation. You can always, and I do mean always, find better for yourself.

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Although this was also reason, many times, for bitterness against my own father, I didn’t stop respecting him for his attitude. Regardless of the circumstances, he stood on the side of my mother. In my opinion, it’s the only way to be when raising children.

Always remember that she came into your life, long before those children and she will be the one remaining, after the kids leave home.

Determine to agree with your wife, when it comes to the household or children, in all things regardless of the circumstance and she will trust you.

Disagreements belong behind closed doors and out of earshot of the children. What goes on between the two of you, is nobody else’s business. Ever!

If you step across that boundary just once, you’ve destroyed all faith in you as a husband and friend.

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Chose your marriage partner carefully

My daughter calls it getting sucked into the vortex. In a way, that seems appropriate. You’re standing in a canyon that everyone claims is a portal to ‘the other side’. A strong breeze sweeps down through the canyon and then no more….just one strong breeze and it’s over. People tell you that’s the spirits trying to talk to you and you believe it. After all, you felt it. Right? Of course, those same people failed to tell you that breeze sweeps down through the canyon, every day just before twilight. But because you were told it was spirits and you experienced it, you believe their lies.

What’s the difference between that and listening to the soothing lies of an abuser? “It was a flashback from the war.” Yeah right. “I just snapped and it will never happen again.” Yeah right.

Come to think of it, it really does sound like a vortex story. So girls, don’t get sucked into the vortex.

To you, it was a simple thing, just grabbing your wrist when you started to walk away. What’s the big deal? I’ll tell you what the big deal is. Blatant, total disrespect. If he can think he can control you by grabbing your arm, and hurting you, he also thinks he can control you – period. You want to be controlled that way?

Love is not love if not freely given. Love cannot be forced. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that his brutality is a sign that you should love him. No, it’s a sign that you should run. And it’s not a sign of love from him. It’s a sign of a deep seated need to control, to capture, to force. Because he has a warped view of life, doesn’t mean you can or should try to fix him. It won’t happen.

Before you go head long into a life commitment, try dating someone that will treat you with respect first. Compare the two and be truthful with yourself as to what you want for the rest of your life.

Definite signs of abusive attitude. No if’s, and’s or but’s.
Demanding who you can be friends with.

Every possible effort to separate you from family. This includes talking behind their backs, trying to turn you against them.

Judging your taste in clothes. This doesn’t include a true man who wants his woman to cover herself up and act like a lady. This is when the guy makes demands that you wear only what he has chosen and won’t step out the door with you until you’ve changed.

Demanding sex before marriage, even when you have told him you’re saving yourself for marriage. Anger when you won’t go along with his ideas or demands.

Introducing you as ‘his old lady’.

Uttering the word ‘tits’. I’ve got news. This is absolute disrespect for women. It’s not cute. He was raised all wrong.

Sitting on his lazy ass, while your whole family dotes on him. I’m not talking about acting like a guest. I’m talking about a guy who would sit in front of the TV while the whole family is outside with the charcoal broiler. If he didn’t come to visit with you or your family, what the hell is he doing there at all? This is called ‘wiping his feet on you and your family’.

If your so-called boyfriend is not something you want to subject on your family, then you don’t need to be subjecting yourself to it.

Ask yourself if you’d like to see your intended, treat your mother the way he’s treating you. If you don’t care, then you deserve what you get. You’ve made your bed and will lie in it. If you do care, and he’s treating your mother with disrespect, just imagine how he will treat you once he feels you’re trapped.

One slap, is just an introduction. Any guy who would dare to slap you, will also punch you in the face with his fist, slam you against a wall, break everything you hold dear and brutalize your babies. If you think you’re up to the challenge, be prepared for that hot casserole dish, right out of the oven, slammed up into your face.

Horror stories abound. I know you’ve heard them. They all started out with a simple clamp on the neck, a sweet squeeze of the wrist (bruising), a cute reference about your ‘tits’, a slap on the butt in public. All screaming signs of demeaning disrespect and control.

You see, it starts out looking like love. Controlling love. Demanding love. Then it begins to twist into comparison, aiming for your low self esteem. It then develops into you being nothing and him being put out of his way to put up with you because you are failing as a wife. None of it true but very convincing for a woman cut off from the world, penniless and never seeming to please her man.

Thousands of women, right this minute, find themselves in this trap and they believe there is no way out. The fact is, there’s always a way out. All your belongings don’t mean a thing, if you’re dead. Leave them now, while you still can. If you truly want out, you can find a way. There are groups all over the internet, showing you the way. If you don’t escape, it’s because you think you’ll lose out on something. What are you hanging onto?

There is nothing out there more frightening than what you’re living through right now. What do you think is out there waiting for you, that you would hang on for yet another yelling match or beating.

Stress kills just as fast as a fist. You are aging, every minute you remain. Soon you will be a worn out old woman, before your time and that’s when he will dump you for fresh meat. He tells you this, almost every day and yet you still don’t believe him. Do you believe that bruise? Is that real? Well, so is all the rest. Get out!

If you have to, call the sheriff’s dept and have them take you to a shelter. If you have children, it’s about the only way out, sometimes. Go! All those possessions can be replaced but you can’t and neither can your children.

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