He Says He Is Sorry

Chose your marriage partner carefully

My daughter calls it getting sucked into the vortex. In a way, that seems appropriate. You’re standing in a canyon that everyone claims is a portal to ‘the other side’. A strong breeze sweeps down through the canyon and then no more….just one strong breeze and it’s over. People tell you that’s the spirits trying to talk to you and you believe it. After all, you felt it. Right? Of course, those same people failed to tell you that breeze sweeps down through the canyon, every day just before twilight. But because you were told it was spirits and you experienced it, you believe their lies.

What’s the difference between that and listening to the soothing lies of an abuser? “It was a flashback from the war.” Yeah right. “I just snapped and it will never happen again.” Yeah right.

Come to think of it, it really does sound like a vortex story. So girls, don’t get sucked into the vortex.

To you, it was a simple thing, just grabbing your wrist when you started to walk away. What’s the big deal? I’ll tell you what the big deal is. Blatant, total disrespect. If he can think he can control you by grabbing your arm, and hurting you, he also thinks he can control you – period. You want to be controlled that way?

Love is not love if not freely given. Love cannot be forced. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that his brutality is a sign that you should love him. No, it’s a sign that you should run. And it’s not a sign of love from him. It’s a sign of a deep seated need to control, to capture, to force. Because he has a warped view of life, doesn’t mean you can or should try to fix him. It won’t happen.

Before you go head long into a life commitment, try dating someone that will treat you with respect first. Compare the two and be truthful with yourself as to what you want for the rest of your life.

Definite signs of abusive attitude. No if’s, and’s or but’s.
Demanding who you can be friends with.

Every possible effort to separate you from family. This includes talking behind their backs, trying to turn you against them.

Judging your taste in clothes. This doesn’t include a true man who wants his woman to cover herself up and act like a lady. This is when the guy makes demands that you wear only what he has chosen and won’t step out the door with you until you’ve changed.

Demanding sex before marriage, even when you have told him you’re saving yourself for marriage. Anger when you won’t go along with his ideas or demands.

Introducing you as ‘his old lady’.

Uttering the word ‘tits’. I’ve got news. This is absolute disrespect for women. It’s not cute. He was raised all wrong.

Sitting on his lazy ass, while your whole family dotes on him. I’m not talking about acting like a guest. I’m talking about a guy who would sit in front of the TV while the whole family is outside with the charcoal broiler. If he didn’t come to visit with you or your family, what the hell is he doing there at all? This is called ‘wiping his feet on you and your family’.

If your so-called boyfriend is not something you want to subject on your family, then you don’t need to be subjecting yourself to it.

Ask yourself if you’d like to see your intended, treat your mother the way he’s treating you. If you don’t care, then you deserve what you get. You’ve made your bed and will lie in it. If you do care, and he’s treating your mother with disrespect, just imagine how he will treat you once he feels you’re trapped.

One slap, is just an introduction. Any guy who would dare to slap you, will also punch you in the face with his fist, slam you against a wall, break everything you hold dear and brutalize your babies. If you think you’re up to the challenge, be prepared for that hot casserole dish, right out of the oven, slammed up into your face.

Horror stories abound. I know you’ve heard them. They all started out with a simple clamp on the neck, a sweet squeeze of the wrist (bruising), a cute reference about your ‘tits’, a slap on the butt in public. All screaming signs of demeaning disrespect and control.

You see, it starts out looking like love. Controlling love. Demanding love. Then it begins to twist into comparison, aiming for your low self esteem. It then develops into you being nothing and him being put out of his way to put up with you because you are failing as a wife. None of it true but very convincing for a woman cut off from the world, penniless and never seeming to please her man.

Thousands of women, right this minute, find themselves in this trap and they believe there is no way out. The fact is, there’s always a way out. All your belongings don’t mean a thing, if you’re dead. Leave them now, while you still can. If you truly want out, you can find a way. There are groups all over the internet, showing you the way. If you don’t escape, it’s because you think you’ll lose out on something. What are you hanging onto?

There is nothing out there more frightening than what you’re living through right now. What do you think is out there waiting for you, that you would hang on for yet another yelling match or beating.

Stress kills just as fast as a fist. You are aging, every minute you remain. Soon you will be a worn out old woman, before your time and that’s when he will dump you for fresh meat. He tells you this, almost every day and yet you still don’t believe him. Do you believe that bruise? Is that real? Well, so is all the rest. Get out!

If you have to, call the sheriff’s dept and have them take you to a shelter. If you have children, it’s about the only way out, sometimes. Go! All those possessions can be replaced but you can’t and neither can your children.