Girls – Watch for the Signs before You Commit

choosing the right partner in marriage

This of course, is all hindsight. How I wish there had been somebody nearby, with better sight than mine, to warn me. Would I have believed it? Probably not because I was born with a quirk that never seemed to heal: believing in the best in people.

This I share with you from my own experiences, in the hopes of saving another from an agonizing relationship.

First let me say, in general terms, what you see before marriage is just a sampling of what will come after. A bad habit, a bad attitude, a warped view of life, all of it.

My daughter married a ‘nose picker’. It wasn’t until well after the ‘I do’s’ did she discover this person had no qualms about reaching down the front of his pants to scratch, in full view of public, in front of God and everybody. So you see, the nose picking was just a clue, the tip of the ice burg.

I married a man, who announced long before the wedding, that he was looking for a girl who would work and support him, so he could sit at home, watching TV and drinking beer. I was so stupid, I thought it was a joke.

In the first 5 years, he held down 8 jobs to my 3. Why 3 for me? Because he thought he wanted to live in Los Angeles and moved me from NM to CA and back. Why 8, for him? Who knows but I can tell you this – he took a 1 to 3 month vacation between each one. All this in 5 years. There were, of course, a whole lot of other problems but this I tell you simply to help educate you before you step into pure hell on earth.

Any man who would ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, before marriage, will prove to be a nightmare after.

Always remember that when your intended says something or does something that makes you stop in your tracks, it’s just the tip of the ice burg. You need to ask yourself if you’re ready to live with that, the rest of your life.

A lie is my test. I’ve had numerous men come begging for my hand in marriage but somewhere along the line, I caught them in a lie and that ended the relationship immediately. I don’t care how tiny, how insignificant the lie is. A lie is a lie and if he can lie to you now, you’re in for a whole lot of heartache.

It may seem like the end of the world, to end a relationship now but let me tell you, getting over this heartache is a lot easier than later facing the wasted years. That same love can slowly die and turn into disgust. If you’ve lasted out 5 years, 10 years or 15, you will look back and mourn your youth that you wasted on a loser.

Step away. You’re worth more than that. I am so emphatic about this that if a guy were to take me on a date and at the last minute pretend he’s lost his wallet, it would end right there.

It sounds so cruel but let me tell you, a male who is not a man, will have no qualms about being cruel to you. You just don’t know it yet. Things like not being financially prepared to show you a good time on a date, is blatant disrespect for you. It’s not just a simple oversight. Don’t believe that garbage.

A man who would actually pout because you’ve refused him sexual favors, before any commitment between you, is showing you who he really is. You better be listening.

There is not one evil thing, that will happen in your marriage, that you were not warned about before the marriage. Not one!

I’ve been married 4 times. Yup….4! What I’m telling you here, is pure testimony. I would not wish my life experience on my worst enemy and every minute of agony came through some man.

So listen to this old lady who has been there – done that. I don’t care how much ‘in love’ you are – don’t step beyond those blaring hints of your future.

He leaning a little too close to your younger sister? Go ahead, marry that loser and watch him play with any female that comes within sight. He raiding your mother’s refrigerator without permission, to get yet another beer? Go ahead, marry that loser and watch him drink up your earnings while goofing off at home. He’s a moocher. He asking you for your savings so he can pay off some debts? Go ahead – marry that thieving moocher. You’ll never have a thing to call your own.  He making sexual demands while making sure you know he doesn’t ever want kids? Go ahead, marry that loser, get pregnant and see his dust as he runs for the next victim. He demand you scratch his back, while visiting you at your parents house, embarrassing the hell out of you? Go ahead, marry that loser and you’ll spend every night doing just that. That gets old.

Just remember – habits and demands before marriage, will triple and quadruple after the marriage. It’s a lot harder and more expensive to end a marriage than it is to stop it before it happens.