Remember when you waddled sideways through the grocery store, praying this child will be born soon? Remember the labor pains, the hard work to bring that child into this world?
Tell me-were you thinking, at the time, how wonderful it was going to be, having a new boss in your life? I doubt it.
You didn’t give birth, just to unleash a monster in your house and certainly not on the world. So why just sit by and watch that child turn into just that?
It wears you out, you completely forget all the wonderful dreams you had concerning the child. All you do, day and night, is defend yourself. That’s ridiculous.
Having given birth, you are the soul ‘last word’ authority, in that childs life. If he has a father, it’s the father’s job for stern discipline. Not abuse! Discipline.
Paddling a child is not abuse, unless you’re unleashing your furry on him. Tend to the problems before it gets that far. Don’t fight for control-stay in control from the beginning.
When the child says “I don’t like beans!”
You say “You have to eat at least one mouth full before you can leave the table. If you don’t eat at least one mouth full, you will sit at this table all night. You’re not leaving until you do” and stick to it. If he decides to have a tantrum, pick him up, paddle his bottom and put him right back in his high chair to finish his beans. The attitude is, this is going to happen regardless of what you do.
Start from the age of 6 months, establishing who is the boss. Force feeding a child is abuse but forcing him to eat at least one bite, is not.
Bedtime is not war time. Bed time is bed time. Go against your rules and it is rewarded with a spanking.
Starting off from the get-go, putting your foot down and not putting up with one tiny second of shenanigans, gets you off to a good start.
You will find that things go along beautifully for several weeks, maybe even months and then suddenly you start noticing huge disrespect for the parents. You have to nip this in the bud, immediately or lose control, all together.
Saying ‘no’ to mother, is strictly not tolerated. Whining instead of obeying is out of bounds. Refusing to obey is astronomical sin.
Setting down rules should be simple. Easy to understand.
-You don’t hit others and you don’t break things.
-You don’t spit food or throw it.
-You obey your mother and father.
-You don’t whine and cry to get something you want.
-You don’t deliberately pee on the floor.
I was raised by a mother who absolutely demanded respect. I’m alive today to confess, it did not kill me nor did it ruin my ego.
How does it hurt your child or your relationship for you to say something like, “do you see that chair?”, “do you see the look on my face?”, “do you really want to temp me?”.
When you run into trouble, stop trying to resolve it on the run. It won’t kill you to stop everything you’re doing, squat down to the child’s level and look him square in the eye. You being too busy to stop long enough to give that child your undivided attention, is why he thinks he can get away with things.
Giving your child the attention he needs, the attention it takes to settle a problem, saves you hundreds of hours later, fighting with an unruly child.
One important thing my mother taught me, was that people don’t think about size differences. When you go to discipline a child, you squat down to their eye range. Make yourself smaller, so that the child is looking you squarely in the eye before you start talking. A toddler needs to know you are not inaccessible. That you can be on his level, while you talk to him. “Sweety, I love you…BUT! You will not slam your toy on the coffee table or you will lose that toy. Do you understand me?”
That was something else my mother taught me, make sure you get a response to the question, “Do you understand me?”. ”Are we clear?” “Tell me what I just said”.
Then later, when he tries the same stunt, you don’t repeat the order, you simply stop, look him in the eye and say, “What did I tell you!?” This forces the child to remember what you said about him doing this. I pushes responsibility onto him instead of yourself. You stop carrying the load and make the child understand that you intended for him to remember and obey.
When he gives you that feeble, whiney, “I don’t remember” or “I don’t know”, demand it again, “What did I tell you about the coffee table?” (in a demanding voice) Make him say it, not you. The “I don’t know”, means “I don’t want to know. I don’t want to obey. I want you to talk all day and not hold me accountable”. That’s what it really means.
Remember your own childhood. What did you mean, when you said that. Your child is not different.
When your child whines, for no good reason (like so tired he’s falling asleep on his feet), here’s the only good response. “You want to whine? What’s say I give you a good reason to whine?” Know the difference between whining to get what he wants, and whining because he needs a nap. As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what I used on my own child and even on my granson. “It sounds like somebody needs a nap”. It shuts them up, unless they really do need a nap.
Watch how a puppy acts. They storm around, like there’s no end of the energy and suddenly fall asleep. The same with a small child. They need naps.
Forget the stupid Dr. Spock stuff, it didn’t work. It’s ok to say”Don’t”
If a child is refusing to ’sit in the chair’, you demand with a stern voice, “You will sit in that chair and you will like it!”
Don’t confuse love and compassion for discipline. You discipline because you love the child enough to raise him to be the adult, everyone will love. Not the adult, everyone runs from.
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